Old Insecurities (Ginoza x Reader)
by ThatGinjahNinja
Summary: This goes with the same Reader-Chan from these two pieces, Fall For You (Ginoza x Reader One Shot) Stay With Me (Kougami x Reader x Ginoza One Shot) and I totally wrote it just to explore what happened after Ginoza saw the Reader leaving Kougami's. Yay! Angst and Fluff galore! Hope it's enjoyable. *Cover art is a screen shot. Cold-shoulder Ginoza...mmm...I mean, what?
Since you began seeing Nobuchika Ginoza again, every time that the two of you were close to intimacy, something seemed to hold him back. You felt his insecurities mount and wondered what was the cause. It wasn't as if the two of you had never slept together. Even with his clinical demeanor before, he had never found it difficult to be intimate with you. He had been the first man ever to know you that way, and you couldn't imagine what could make him feel insecure after suffering through that awkward first time.

This night was the same. After heated kissing, hands wandering, and desires mounting, Ginoza groaned and sat up abruptly. His beautiful green eyes gave your (e/c) ones a distressed glance before dusting his hand through lengthy dark bangs and standing to walk to the kitchen. You watched in confusion once again as he grabbed a bottle of whiskey and a shot glass and returned next to you on the couch. He said nothing but poured some of the amber liquid into the tiny glass. Growing weary of this song and dance and becoming concerned that perhaps he hadn't grown much at all as a man, you snatched the drink and downed it yourself.

He gaped at you, stunned you had interrupted his routine, and his face grew disheartened as you questioned him. "What is it, Ginoza? Why can't we make this happen?" you asked, holding onto the glass.

You could tell he wanted to share, but he continued to hold back. As you studied him carefully, a new concern occurred to you. "Is it your arm?" You gestured to his new mechanical arm that had replaced the one lost to him. It would be the first time since the loss of that limb and maybe he had been worried about how you would react. It would never have made a difference to you, of course. He should have known that. He was your Ginoza. You had loved him nearly all of your life.

"No," he promised as he held the metal hand out to you. You grasped it and he asked, "Don't you think I know you well enough to know that wouldn't matter?" You smiled, pleased he had quickly quelled your worry.

"Then what is it? Please tell me what's holding you back, Gino," you appealed.

Taking his remaining hand and skimming it through your (h/c) hair, he sighed heavily as he admitted, "Some insecurities of mine are hard to break free from. I know how disappointing I've been to you, and I'm afraid I won't measure up to him." Seeing the puzzled and apprehensive look in your eyes, he embarrassingly admitted, "We haven't done this since you and Kougami-" His voice trailed off and left you perplexed.

Narrowing your eyes and lifting a brow you stated, "Since Kougami and I what, exactly?"

"Don't make me say it, (f/n)," he begged. Seeing that you appeared even more confused and increasingly irritated, he relented. "I saw the two of you that morning. I watched you leaving the day after we all fought over Kougami becoming an Enforcer."

"So?" you asked, genuinely not understanding the problem or remembering how it must have looked from a distance.

"I know what happened between you. He told me," Gino responded, guilt filling his green orbs.

"And?" you continued to prod. You were aware that you and Kougami had kissed, but you weren't sure why something like that would cause such a hang up for Ginoza five years later. "Why would kissing and a few moments of heated groping make you so insecure now?"

"You don't have to do this," he said. You were growing exceedingly annoyed. "I know it was my fault. Kougami told me how the two of you...had sex."

Your (e/c) eyes doubled in size and felt like they nearly fell from your head. "He told you we what?! Ginoza! That's not what happened. I can only imagine why Kou would say that, but I give you my word that there was absolutely no sex!"

Nobuchika's serious eyes were equally stunned as he took in your words. "Then- why would he- ?" You felt you might shatter like glass as the always composed man added, "I broke his damn jaw for that!"

 _As Kougami stood from grabbing his paper, his eyes met Ginoza's. Ginoza briefly felt glued on the spot, face frozen in anguish over where his ego had pushed his best friends. Regaining his professional mannerisms quickly, he barked at Kougami, "The chief wants us on a case! Get dressed and get Masaoka. Now." He turned quickly to hide his pain and get out of the space as quickly as possible. The thought of his best friend and (f/n) sharing a passionate night flashed as an unwelcome mental image and numbed his brain. Still, he wasn't willing to let go of his pride._

 _"Gino! Wait, it's not what it looks like, okay?" Shinya called after him. Jogging down the hall, he grabbed Ginoza by the arm and tried to stop him._

 _Turning on the spot, Nobuchika glared hatefully at the hand on his arm. "You will not address me so casually, Enforcer Kougami. 'Yes, sir…Inspector…Shepherd One,' any of those will suffice, Hound Three."_

 _Shinya grimaced at the words. "Just let me explain what happened. She and I-"_

 _Looking sharply at the shirtless man in front of him, Ginoza cut him off, "It doesn't matter. I don't need to know what happened. Your personal life no longer concerns me."_

 _"It doesn't matter?" Kougami questioned. "You've been in love with (f/n) since you were nine and this doesn't concern you? Quit with the bullshit attitude that everyone is just waiting to desert you!"_

 _"It has nothing to do with that," he lied. Of course, it did. He had felt disposable since he was a boy. Not good enough for his father, undeserving to be part of society, ridiculed mercilessly as a child, he obsessively checked his Crime Coefficient for a cloudy hue. Keeping himself_ worthy _of this utopian city took hard work on his part. It consumed much more of him than he ever intended, and certainly anyone he fell in love with would eventually realize his buried fears and leave him behind._

 _Without pausing to give Kougami the satisfaction of seeing him struggle, Gino responded, "You and I are no longer equals and I intend to keep those boundaries in place. This isn't something appropriate to discuss with your supervising officer, Enforcer."_

 _As Ginoza turned to head back to his office, Kougami jeered, "You're unbelievable, you know that? Even something like this doesn't get you heated? When was the last time you wanted something more than to spite the world? Do you even have feelings of your own anymore or did you let Sybil store all the uncomfortable ones away?"_

 _Ginoza continued walking silently away as Shinya followed directly behind him. Growing more agitated at being ignored, Kougami sneered, "You know what? I lied."_

 _Gino continued walking silently, not missing a step. He had expected Kougami had been disingenuous the moment he spoke, only trying to cover the shame of being caught. He still wasn't willing to give his ex-friend the satisfaction of riling him._

 _"Sorry. I lied," Kougami continued as his voice took on a heavier, angrier tone. "It's exactly what it looked like. I fucked her."_

 _Ginoza's jaw twitched but he continued ignoring the assault and walked onward. Shinya, determined to see if there was any passion left in his old friend, kept up with his sordid lie, "She cried about what an insufferable prick you are and she damn near begged me to release her. You should have told me you weren't interested in her, Gino. I've been dying to fuck her for years! You pushing her into me was the best thing to ever happen for us, Gino."_

 _Kougami turned his head briefly as Pop's voice came from the open dormitory door, "I hear you all the way in the back, Kou! What's going on?"_

 _Before Masaoka had finished his question, pain exploded through Shinya's face as he felt a crack and fell backwards to the floor. The taste of iron rapidly filling his mouth, he spit blood on the carpet and clutched his broken jaw as Masaoka put his hands on Kougami's shoulders, to check if he was alright._

 _"I told you not to address me with such casual names anymore! You don't call me Gino again, Dog!" Nobuchika covered his true disgrace, as he shook Kougami's dark red blood from his fingers and clutched the sore knuckles with the free hand._

 _"Nobuchika!" scolded Masaoka. "What is wrong with you? You lay out your best friend because he calls you by name, son?" Kougami stared at Gino, a strange look on his features as he spat more blood from his mouth._

 _Coolly, Ginoza spoke to Hound One, "Take him to the infirmary and then get to the office. The chief wants us on a case right away." He pointed a bruised finger at the man still sitting on the floor. "_ **He** _is_ **not** _my best friend. He's an Enforcer for the MWSPB, and_ you _don't call me son. Do you think I want people to overhear that?" he spat as he turned and left the pair in the hall. Ginoza felt sick as he tried to push forward with the rest of that day._

" _You_ did that?!" came your stunned voice over Ginoza's claim. "He told me it was broken while on a case!"

"Why would he tell me he'd been with you?" Gino asked, still jumbled by discovering his belief for the last five years had been wrong.

You shrugged. "To goad you? To punish himself? Both?"

Running his hand through his hair and looking distressed, he responded, "Kougami told me you practically begged him to-"

You couldn't help but laugh heartily, as you thought of your cheeky best friend, "That shit!" Seeing the confusion and disbelief in Nobuchika's beautiful green eyes, you remembered vowing to Kougami that one day he would see the truth of the friend Kou had been. Even though Kougami had been missing for months without a trace, he deserved to have Ginoza know he had not been betrayed.

"Gino, I won't lie; there was a lot of frustrated making out and some heavy petting that night, but there was no sex. Kougami made sure of that," you commented as you ran your fingers through his hair, pushing the long strands from his eyes.

"Kougami made sure?" muttered the man still reeling in front of you.

"Kou wasn't willing to cause you anymore pain, and he helped me remember that even though you were maddening, there was no one I loved more in this world," you added as you stroked his cheek lightly with your delicate fingers.

"Kougami made sure?" he repeated slowly. Ginoza felt the humiliation of being too stubborn to wait to hear his friend out in the first place.

"Don't look so surprised. He loves you, you know?" you questioned, turning his gaze to meet your (e/c) one, urging him not to focus on those past mistakes.

"Yeah," he conceded slowly, "I guess." Feeling regretful, he asked, "Do you think, wherever Kou is, he knows he was still the best friend I ever had?"

You supposed there was no way to know for sure after years of Ginoza's disdain, but you knew what he needed to hear. You smiled sweetly and kissed his lips. "I'm certain." The two of you held each other as you thought about your missing friend and everything the three of you had been through, both hoping he would turn up alive someday. After a few minutes, you moved yourself to sit on Nobuchika's lap, arms draped casually around his shoulders.

"Now, could we just talk about the fact that the only time the _great_ Inspector Nobuchika Ginoza, top detective of the CID, lost hold of his control," you said as a smile tugged at the corner of your lip, "present condition not included," kissing tenderly the skin of his shoulder where it met his prosthetic, "he was jealous over a woman?"

He looked at you full of indignation as he responded, "It was not over 'a' woman! I was convinced I had worn the _one_ woman I had always needed by my side so paper thin, that you had given up on me for good." He kissed your astonished face gently on the cheek. Another light kiss to your forehead. Eyelid. Nose. Lips. "I swear to you, (f/n), I will never make you question my sincerity again. Too many people have been lost to me, things left unsaid. I have wasted my life suppressing all of my true feelings and I don't intend to have to hide from any System any longer."

You wanted to respond but you also didn't want to interrupt his long overdue confession. You gazed at his green eyes more intently as he moved (h/c) tendrils from your face and persisted, "Please forgive that foolish boy for making you wait all these years to tell you what you really mean to him." He leaned his forehead to yours, and you could feel that it was wrinkled in desperation for your response.

"Ginoza, I don't know what to-" you placed your lips to his and caressed them softly before pulling back, just enough to speak. Quietly you reminded him, "I have been waiting to see this side of you since we were children."

"I love you, (f/n). I have loved you from the very start, and I won't stand living another day if I hurt you the way I havein the past. I swear it."

You began to kiss him heatedly and pulled him by his white undershirt, til he lay on top of you on the couch. "I love you," you breathed out before Ginoza's soft lips captured yours sensuously again and you both lost yourselves to your intense desires.

After so many years away from your lover, only one thought was on your mind...

 _About damned time._

 ** _BONUS ENDING (because I couldn't get it out of my head)::_**

Though your eyes were still closed, you could feel the warmth of the morning light filtering into Ginoza's bedroom. You also felt long, nimble fingers brushing gently across your face and through your (h/c) hair. It felt amazing. Your lips curved into a soft smile and you slowly blinked open your eyes.

"Good morning," Nobuchika said lowly, while running his thumb tenderly down your jawline. Your smile broadened. Because he faced the window behind you, the sun illuminated his whole face in an almost ethereal manner, especially those brilliant green eyes, crinkled at their corners as he continued gazing at your face.

You brushed ebony hair away from his eyes and stroked his forehead before pressing your naked bodies closer together and laying your arm on his firm back to pull into a hug. Speaking softly while grinning against his bare shoulder, you responded, "G'morning," and placed several light kisses across his collar bone before moving your face to look at him again.

Gino's eyes were closed and his face was the most content you had seen it in decades. _Decades_. The thought that you had been in love with this man for so many years made your heart jump and your grin widen even further.

Opening his eyes in time to catch the smile, Ginoza asked, "What are you thinking about?"

Kissing him softly, you replied, "I'm thinking about a very aggravating, very stubborn, very cute little nine year old boy bossing me around in a stairwell."

"Hn," he laughed quietly as he used his hands on your back to bring you against him, skin to skin, once more. After resting his chin on your head, Gino added, "He _was_ extremely stubborn, but it seems he was terribly outmatched."

You feathered a kiss to his chest and replied confidently, "I knew it. I knew that little boy hadn't given up completely."

"Is that so?" Ginoza asked as his hand began to travel enticingly up and down the skin of your back, hips, rear, and thighs.

You sat up slightly to emphasize your words, "It is so, but I admit I've been worried these last several years that _you_ would never see that. I was afraid maybe I really wasn't as stubborn as you, like I thought." You grinned again and kissed his lips.

Ginoza took no time parting your mouth with his tongue and deepening the connection as he moved you to your back and hovered above you. You let out a little hiss of air as you felt him stiffening. "It's been a very close race," he taunted, "but I'm happy to let you have the win." He began dusting arousing kisses toward your middle, before catching your (e/c) orbs once more.

"Just this once," came his low voice as Gino continued trailing agonizingly warm lips and tongue lustfully down your bare body.


End file.
